Can I Date a Non-Christian?

Listen for FREE to a talk I gave that includes this topic

Initial Assumptions
First of all let’s look at some basic assumptions. I am assuming that the person asking the question is a Christian. That is they are a true follower of Jesus, that their desire is to live the life that Jesus called us to live, that they believe that the entire bible is the inspired word of God, authored by men, inspired by the Holy Spirit and is valuable for teaching, reproof, correction and training in righteousness.

Dating a non-Christian in contrary to the whole of scripture
Personally I believe that the bible, both old and New Testament show unequivocally that for a Christian to date a non-Christian, is contrary to scripture. That is for a Christ follower (christian) to date a non-christian (someone who is not a Christ follower) goes against the teaching of the bible. I will therefore layout why I believe this to be the case and show how scripture leads me to this conclusion

What does the bible say?
We see throughout the Old Testament the Lord commanding Israel not to “intermarry” with the nations around them. They are repeatedly told not to take wives for their sons from outside the children of Israel. Exodus 34:1-17 gives examples of this and Exodus to Chronicles and beyond is littered with similar examples.

Exodus 34:10-17 (New International Version)
Then the LORD said: “I am making a covenant with you. Before all your people I will do wonders never before done in any nation in all the world. The people you live among will see how awesome is the work that I, the LORD, will do for you. Obey what I command you today. I will drive out before you the Amorites, Canaanites, Hittites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites. Be careful not to make a treaty with those who live in the land where you are going, or they will be a snare among you. Break down their altars, smash their sacred stones and cut down their Asherah poles. Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God. “Be careful not to make a treaty with those who live in the land; for when they prostitute themselves to their gods and sacrifice to them, they will invite you and you will eat their sacrifices. And when you choose some of their daughters as wives for your sons and those daughters prostitute themselves to their gods, they will lead your sons to do the same. “Do not make cast idols.

This was an Old Testament dating scenario and I believe the same is true today. Now one might argue that “things were different back then. They had arranged marriages” well of course this is true, but regardless of the parents selecting a spouse or, as is the case in our culture, you selecting your own spouse the principle hold up equally well. The principle being outlined here is one of joining together unequally. We read here and throughout the old testament that we should not “intermarry” that is marry a non-Christian. And, if we believe that the purpose of dating is to prepare for marriage we cannot date a non-Christian either. This does of course raise another topic for discussion, that of “Why Date? Is it to prepare for marriage or for fun and experience gathering” and I will discuss this in another document at a later date. For now I think that “ultimately” dating will lead to marriage … hopefully at some point.

2 Corinthians 6:14-18 (English Standard Version)

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, “I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord,and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you, and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me,says the Lord Almighty.” This passage talks again about not being married to unbelievers, they have nothing in common. What union is there between Christ and the devil? Take that into to the context of Sex the bible says that when we have sex that “the two become one flesh”

This being the case what are we doing uniting our body, the temple of the holy spirit

with that of an unbeliever. What union is that?

1 Corinthians 6:15-17 (New International Version)
Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

Whilst I am not in any way likening a non-Christian to a prostitute I am saying that the same principle applies. We could read this as “Do you not know that he who unites himself with [an unbeliever] is one with her in body? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with [an unbeliever]?”

This I feel is pretty conclusive, but, just in case you were thinking that this is all about marriage, and you are only talking about dating … let’s look at the process of dating. Even if everything is really platonic, and above board part of you is still involved with this other individual. Part of you is still given to them … your heart. The bible addresses this for us in Proverbs 4:23

Proverbs 4:23 (New International Version)
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

We are told as Christians that “above ALL else” we should guard our heart. That we should be careful to keep it whole and not break it. We need to only share it with those who will have the same care and honour for their own heart – Another Christian. How can we share something so precious as our heart with someone who will not have the same regard for it, or for the affairs of our heart – Namely Jesus !

I know what you are thinking, If I go out with them I will be able to introduce them to the church, to God, to Jesus, they will get saved and we will all live happily ever after! My answer is …. NOT!

1 Corinthians 15:33 (New International Version)
Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”
Deuteronomy 11:16 (English Standard Version)
Take care lest your heart be deceived, and you turn aside and serve other gods and worship them;

Why do you think it says “So not be mislead” or “take care”? Because we are easily and often mislead! Don’t think you are the stronger part here. You are not. It is easier for them to draw you away, that for you to draw them up.

This brings us full circle back to Exodus 34:16 “do not choose wives from outside of Israel for your sons as then they worship their gods they will draw your sons away and they will do the same” [My paraphrase]

People in the world have gods of worldliness, of selfishness, or greed and lust. You will be drawn away no matter how smart you think you are.

Let’s look at one final example: Solomon. He was the wisest man on the face of the earth, and I am sure that none of us would venture to say we are smarter than he was. Yet this very thing, dating and marrying none Christians was the thing that “mislead” him.

1 Kings 11:1-3
King Solomon, however, loved many foreign women besides Pharaoh’s daughter—Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians and Hittites. They were from nations about which the LORD had told the Israelites, “You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods.” Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love. He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray.”

1 Kings 4:29
“God Gave Solomon wisdom and very great insight, and a breadth of understanding as measureless as the sand on the seashore”

Solomon, even with all his wisdom was led astray by his unbelieving wives. Don’t be misled, dating a non-Christian is folly, a mistake of gigantic
proportions.Conclusion

Nehemiah 13:23-27 (English Standard Version)
In those days also I saw the Jews who had married women of Ashdod, Ammon, and Moab. And half of their children spoke the language of Ashdod, and they could not speak the language of Judah, but only the language of each people. And I confronted them and cursed them and beat some of them and pulled out their hair. And I made them take oath in the name of God, saying, “You shall not give your daughters to their sons, or take their daughters for your sons or for yourselves. Did not Solomon king of Israel sin on account of such women? Among the many nations there was no king like him, and he was beloved by his God, andGod made him king over all Israel. Nevertheless, foreign women made even him to sin. Shall we then listen to you and do all this great evil and act treacherously against our God by marrying foreign women?”

I believe that the bible is clear. Marrying and therefore dating non-Christians is not Gods best for us. Don’t do it!
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