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Lust, Sex, Pornography, Masturbation … What Did Jesus Have to Say?

You can LISTEN for FREE to this here, or DOWNLOAD for FREE here

First of all let me tell you that Sex was God’s Idea. And Sex is Great! God designed it to be Great! To be pleasurable, fun, meaningful and fruitful. He designed it that it might produce oneness between a man and a woman. The bible tells us that “the two shall become one” and sex does that amazingly well. Sex is great! 

However, we have substituted the truth for a lie[1] and now in this day and age we worship sex. It has become the God of this age. Everywhere you look the god of sex, sexuality and sensuality is worshipped. We worship the beautiful people and desire what we should not have. We obsess over how we look in order that we will be more desirable to others and not our spouse. We promote sin in our schools thinly disguised as Sex Education where we teach our children how worship the god of this age.

Sex has been made a god. People worship it rather than the God who created it. We abuse it and use it for personal and selfish reasons rather than to create oneness as God intended. We have taken something amazing, something beautiful and exchanged it for a dry shrivelled up old rag!

Mat 5:27-30 ESV  “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’  ⁽²⁸⁾  But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.  ⁽²⁹⁾  If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell.  ⁽³⁰⁾  And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.

The Pharisees and Scribes were constantly looking to reduce the commandments of the Law to a simply and single act. Do No Commit Adultery in this case. Limiting it to the physical act, but here again Jesus is emphasising the motive of the heart as being the issue. Later on in Matthew he speaks even more clearly and directly on it.

Mat 15:19-20 ESV For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander.  ⁽²⁰⁾  These are what defile a person. “

The Scribes & Pharisees show an amazing lack of understanding and learning in that the 10^th Commandment, Do not Covet – specifically addresses the issue of lusting after your neighbours wife. Clearly this needs to be taken in conjunction with Do Not Commit Adultery! This was either not understood by the Pharisees or conveniently overlooked for the sake of comfort!

Jesus is saying that for us to be RADICAL we are not looking to be those that simply CONFORM to a set of prescribed rules and regulations, but we are to be those who understand the motives that result in these prohibitions and that we radically deal with them. We seek the spirit of the law, not the letter!

This is an extract from my recent sermon on LUST where I tackle issues such as Pornography, Masturbation, Sexual Immorality, Fornication, Adultery from this passage in Matthew. You can LISTEN for FREE to this here, or DOWNLOAD for FREE here

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[1] 2 Peter 2:14

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Is Masturbation a Sin?

FREE MP3: To listen to a talk on this issue then press here, or download here.

Clearly masturbation is not directly referenced in the bible. There is no “Thou Shalt Not …” for this. Equally the scripture “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might[1]” is not a scripture to support it either.

When this action takes place it is rarely, and I would use the word never, that lustful thoughts and imagination (commonly porn too) are not present too. That being the case, Jesus words in the Sermon on the Mount clearly and directly apply – If you look lustfully, either with you natural eyes or your minds eye, then you are committing adultery with her in your heart. If you tell me that you don’t have lustful thoughts etc and simply think about cars or something then one might argue that you have bigger problems.

Let us remember that sex was created by God and it was good. He created it for us to enjoy, to allow us to reproduce and to produce ONENESS. In Genesis it says .

Genesis 2:24 ESV  Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Let me be clear ONENESS is not ONE (being on ones own), but TWO becoming ONE. All sexual experiences that produce ONENESS within the context of marriage between one man and one woman are legitimate. Thus any sexual experience outside that context is not legitimate because it is outside of the context within which God designed and planned it to occur.

So is masturbation a sin? It is if you consider sin to be doing things that God has said not to (LUST), or doing them outside the context or environment that God intended and communicated to us (Self Gratification, not producing oneness between a husband and a wife) then yes, it should be considered a sin.

FREE MP3: To listen to a talk on this issue then press here, or download here. 

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[1] Ecclesiastes 9:10

The Role of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy within Pastoral Counselling

Introduction

There is, within many charismatic circles, a reticence to embrace what many would consider secular wisdom in the area of pastoral care within the local church. Most preferring to embrace the “Power Encounter” of the Holy Spirit as all that is necessary to resolve any and all pastoral situations. Whilst fully embracing the power of the Holy Spirit, looking and longing for it, there is also need, as Paul instructs the Romans , to use the knowledge that we have received from God to instruct one another. The bible provides us with a wealth of knowledge that Paul informs Timothy is good for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness . This, I believe, provides us with a platform to cooperate with the Holy Spirit and the “power encounter” with loving, thoughtful discussion and counselling.

We know that we are living in a fallen world, that man’s inherent propensity is towards sin and that in and of our selves we are unable to overcome that which is inherent within us. By definition we need therefore to find the solution from outside of ourselves. I believe that the solution comes only from God himself and would therefore subscribe to the biblical view that our salvation in these areas of difficulty are found only in Him. However, whilst our salvation is only found in God the working out of that salvation can vary from person to person and situation to situation. Because of the uniqueness of God’s creation we all come to a realisation of our need for change (sanctification) in areas of our lives in different ways. Sometimes it is through scripture, other times through preaching or through the challenge of a friend. Sometimes it is because our circumstances are so extreme that we can no longer cope. There are many examples of people in extreme circumstances simply crying out to God and immediately being healed or the situation remedied . However, there are also many situations where that is not the case, or where learned behaviour, destructive conduct, habits or addictions cause the person to re-offend. Paul expresses this well in Romans when he says “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate” . We do not always understand why we do the things we do. How often have we come before the throne of grace and cried for forgiveness for yet another repeated offence? It can be helpful to utilise counselling in these circumstances to assist the individual in understanding more fully the nature of their circumstances and/or actions and so to look, with God’s help, at how they may overcome !

With this in mind I would like to look at The Role of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) within Pastoral Counselling showing how it could provide valuable insight and support in all areas of pastoral care.

What is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy?

CBT is designed to help you alter how you think (Cognitive) and what you do (Behaviour). By examining the relationship between our thoughts, feelings and behaviour we can then consider why we are responding in a particular way. For example if you were to walk down the street and see someone you know who then completely ignores you, you could respond by thinking they don’t like you, you then feel miserable which then may cause you to take some comforting behaviour such as eating or shopping which then causes some physical reaction such as weight gain or debt. This then results in new thoughts of failure and so the vicious circle continues. CBT allows us to affect one of these areas and so break the cycle. Typically this is done be looking to change our thoughts which in turn will alter our behaviour.

CBT – Secular Case Study

This is my story! At almost 20 Stones, my weight was out of control. My blood pressure was so high that I was borderline for needing medication. I had been overweight for longer than I could remember trying every fad diet and weight loss programme that came along. I have always been very goal orientated and can discipline myself to diet no problem. I could lose weight and feel great and then put it all right back on again. Deep down being overweight depressed me as it affected my health, my ability to enjoy my kids and my wife. I would go through periods of great sadness because I had tried to lose weight and failed time and time again. One day, it was my eldest’s sons 13th birthday, and I had arranged for him to have a flying lesson with a pilot friend of mine who invited me to sit in the back of the plane as my son flew. However when we got to the airstrip and did the pre-flight checks it became apparent that I was too heavy to go with them as we exceeded the max load of the small plane. Over the next day or so I realised that I was a glutton and gluttony was a sin. So I decided that I must again lose weight. As I researched which fad diet I would choose this time I came across a rapid weight loss programme which appealed to my impatient nature. This one however included group counselling which I now know as CBT (See Figure 1). The diet was a great success, losing 6 stone in 100 days, but I had lost weight in the past and put it straight back on. However, that was almost 2 years ago and I am still under 15 stone! So what changed? My thinking changed. The CBT caused me to think about “why I ate”. I realised that I ate when I was depressed, I ate when I was sad, or stressed or fed up. I ate for comfort! This then made me put on weight which then depressed me so I ate more and so the vicious circle continued. This is a great example of secular CBT in operation. By causing me to think of the circumstances that caused me to eat I was able to look past the immediate – I was just eating too much – to asking why and under what circumstances. As I then changed the way I thought about things it then altered my behaviours and the need for comfort (feelings) through food. This then changed the physical reactions (that of eating) which has allowed me to maintain a more appropriate body weight.

CBT – In a Pastoral Environment

part from my reason for starting the diet being a realisation of sin (Gluttony) the CBT I was involved with was wholly secular. However, in a pastoral environment we need to include the aspect of God into our model (See Figure 2). By including God we are more able to look at not just the reasons behind our behaviour and responses but also look at what the bible has to say. Even though I have lost weight I still struggle daily with what is, in essence, an addictive cycle of eating. The CBT still allowed me to address my thinking but still it is a constant struggle. This is where I believe that the Pastoral Element is so helpful. As I consider the CBT cycle I have come to realise that our thoughts, feeling and behaviours/action are “in Christ ” just as a new creation I am in Christ. Secular CBT allows me now to understand what I should do and how I should handle it but as Paul says in Romans “For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out”. As we bring in the wisdom of the secular CBT model with wise pastoral counsel we can address the spiritual aspects of our being. With a pastoral model I can conclude that in turning to food in times of stress, hurt, sadness or despair means that one is doing more than being a glutton, we are making food a god and in doing so we break the first commandment . As we then not only consider the spiritual impact as well as the physical/psychological we recognise that the results are not simply that one gets fat, but that one also offends God.

One must not simply look therefore to change ones thinking about food in order to amend behaviour towards food but also to change our thinking in terms of the offence the action will cause God. Without pastoral assistance this information could easily lead again to a vicious circle of eating because one could so easily then feel more depressed and more of a failure because now as a Christian you are offending God. Pastoral care can help understand the grace of God that is freely available when we repent and ask for forgiveness. With a God centred pastoral CBT approach we can not only understand the triggers, as the world would see them, that cause us to behave in a particular way but also the sin that so easily entangles . As we use these things together we can look to change our thinking and, if necessary, to come to a place of repentance by providing a safe environment where we can explore our feelings, thoughts and behaviours and where we can confess our sins knowing that God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness .

Conclusion

Whilst not in every case I do believe that CBT has a vital part to play in Pastoral Counselling within the life of the local church under the government and oversight of biblical eldership. I would not see this as first line care, but would certainly see that in some circumstances this type of pastoral counselling would be a great help.

References

Romans 15:14

2 Timothy 3:16

Philippians 2:12

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=Fw-0wR87okY

Romans 7:15

Romans 12:21, 1 John 2:13, 1 John 4:4, et al

1 Corinthians 1:30

2 Corinthians 5:17

Romans 7:18b

Exodus 20:3

Hebrews 12:1

James 5:16

1 John 1:9