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Lust, Sex, Pornography, Masturbation … What Did Jesus Have to Say?

You can LISTEN for FREE to this here, or DOWNLOAD for FREE here

First of all let me tell you that Sex was God’s Idea. And Sex is Great! God designed it to be Great! To be pleasurable, fun, meaningful and fruitful. He designed it that it might produce oneness between a man and a woman. The bible tells us that “the two shall become one” and sex does that amazingly well. Sex is great! 

However, we have substituted the truth for a lie[1] and now in this day and age we worship sex. It has become the God of this age. Everywhere you look the god of sex, sexuality and sensuality is worshipped. We worship the beautiful people and desire what we should not have. We obsess over how we look in order that we will be more desirable to others and not our spouse. We promote sin in our schools thinly disguised as Sex Education where we teach our children how worship the god of this age.

Sex has been made a god. People worship it rather than the God who created it. We abuse it and use it for personal and selfish reasons rather than to create oneness as God intended. We have taken something amazing, something beautiful and exchanged it for a dry shrivelled up old rag!

Mat 5:27-30 ESV  “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’  ⁽²⁸⁾  But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.  ⁽²⁹⁾  If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell.  ⁽³⁰⁾  And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.

The Pharisees and Scribes were constantly looking to reduce the commandments of the Law to a simply and single act. Do No Commit Adultery in this case. Limiting it to the physical act, but here again Jesus is emphasising the motive of the heart as being the issue. Later on in Matthew he speaks even more clearly and directly on it.

Mat 15:19-20 ESV For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander.  ⁽²⁰⁾  These are what defile a person. “

The Scribes & Pharisees show an amazing lack of understanding and learning in that the 10^th Commandment, Do not Covet – specifically addresses the issue of lusting after your neighbours wife. Clearly this needs to be taken in conjunction with Do Not Commit Adultery! This was either not understood by the Pharisees or conveniently overlooked for the sake of comfort!

Jesus is saying that for us to be RADICAL we are not looking to be those that simply CONFORM to a set of prescribed rules and regulations, but we are to be those who understand the motives that result in these prohibitions and that we radically deal with them. We seek the spirit of the law, not the letter!

This is an extract from my recent sermon on LUST where I tackle issues such as Pornography, Masturbation, Sexual Immorality, Fornication, Adultery from this passage in Matthew. You can LISTEN for FREE to this here, or DOWNLOAD for FREE here

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[1] 2 Peter 2:14

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Is Masturbation a Sin?

FREE MP3: To listen to a talk on this issue then press here, or download here.

Clearly masturbation is not directly referenced in the bible. There is no “Thou Shalt Not …” for this. Equally the scripture “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might[1]” is not a scripture to support it either.

When this action takes place it is rarely, and I would use the word never, that lustful thoughts and imagination (commonly porn too) are not present too. That being the case, Jesus words in the Sermon on the Mount clearly and directly apply – If you look lustfully, either with you natural eyes or your minds eye, then you are committing adultery with her in your heart. If you tell me that you don’t have lustful thoughts etc and simply think about cars or something then one might argue that you have bigger problems.

Let us remember that sex was created by God and it was good. He created it for us to enjoy, to allow us to reproduce and to produce ONENESS. In Genesis it says .

Genesis 2:24 ESV  Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Let me be clear ONENESS is not ONE (being on ones own), but TWO becoming ONE. All sexual experiences that produce ONENESS within the context of marriage between one man and one woman are legitimate. Thus any sexual experience outside that context is not legitimate because it is outside of the context within which God designed and planned it to occur.

So is masturbation a sin? It is if you consider sin to be doing things that God has said not to (LUST), or doing them outside the context or environment that God intended and communicated to us (Self Gratification, not producing oneness between a husband and a wife) then yes, it should be considered a sin.

FREE MP3: To listen to a talk on this issue then press here, or download here. 

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[1] Ecclesiastes 9:10

Can I Marry a non-Chrsitian

We live in a world where divorce is a fact of most people’s lives. Whilst the government would have us believe that the divorce statistics are dropping year on year, the truth of the matter is that less and less people are being married and so do not need a divorce thus reducing the rate of divorce.

As a christian what can we do to ensure that we can avoid being one of these national divorce statistics? Well I think the bible gives us loads of advice on how to have a healthy marriage, but the steps you can take to build a health Christian marriage starts long before the wedding day. It starts, possibly, even before you start dating.

Your choice of partner is essential. Not in terms of compatibility as the secular world would have you believe, but in terms of where they are in their relationship with God. The bible, I believe, clearly tells us that we should not marry, or even date a non-Christian!

This is, as you would imagine a very big topic which I can not go into in detail here but you can read a paper I have written on this (download for free here) or if you would prefer you can LISTEN FOR FREE to a talk I did on this subject or DOWNLOAD FOR FREE and listen on your iPod.

Should Chrsitians Date Non-Christians ?

This is by far the topic that I am asked about most often. It is the most searched for question on my site. Hardly a day goes by where someone, in one way or another does not ask this question “As a Christian should I go out with (date) someone who is not a Christian“

Where shall I start. Well for those of you who want to listen to a talk I did that covers this subject then you can listen or download for free by selecting on of these links.

It is a very controversial subject and one that is hard to get in to a simple blog page. So I have prepared a small paper on the subject which you might find helpful. You can download it here

Sir Cliff’s says ‘Gone are the days when we assumed loving relationships would be solely between men and women’

 

I can not begin to express the sadness I feel regarding Cliff Richards comments regarding Gay Marriage being blessed by the church.

I have long admired Sir Cliff for the courageous stand he has taken over his Christianity right from his conversion. Whilst I could not call myself a fan of his music, I have always thought that he held his faith in Jesus in the highest regard, and put aside the pressures placed on him by the media to get married or in deed over his sexuality.

It has come as a great surprise to me therefore to read articles in the Times and the Independent who both say that Sir Cliff has asked the church to accept and bless same sex relationships. 

Read Article

This paragraph seems to sum up the essence of what was said.

He calls on the Church of England to update its views on same-sex marriages, arguing that all judgements on sexuality should be left to God. “I think the Church must come round and see people as they are now. Gone are the days when we assumed loving relationships would be solely between men and women. It seems to me that commitment is the issue, and if anyone comes to me and says: ‘This is my partner; we are committed to each other’, then I don’t care what their sexuality is. I’m not going to judge; I’ll leave that to God.”

 

Read Article

I can not be completely sure that we are all talking about the same thing. No one is contending that “loving relationships” can occur between people of the same sex. I have a  loving relationship with my father, and my sons. I have loving relationships with male friends. The difference however is that this “love” does not find its expression in sex or anything remotely sexual. So surly the issue here is not the issue of “Loving Relationships”, but one of “Sexual Relationships”. That being the case I would like to address the key elements of the above comment.

 

Church to Update its View

View must be based on the Bible, not culture or political correctness

 

Gone are the days when we (church) assumed loving relationships would be solely between men and women

I am not sure that this has ever been true. From its conception the church has been VERY aware of same sex relationships. In fact the old testament shows us that the fore-runner to the church, the people of Israel (the Jewish nation) were very aware of sexual relationships between people of the same sex. The New Testament to speaks on this issue also. It is difficult to understand how the church is being asked to “update” its position because the times have changed. In fact the times of the New Testament Rome Homosexuality was rife, probably more so than now. So the churches position on this is based on similar cultural issues as today with regard to same sex relationships.  

 

It seems to me

While Sir Cliff is entitled to his opinion we must not loose site that we are created in the image of God and not the other way around. That means that we can not put our opinions on God. We need to understand Gods views, plans and laws based on the bible I believe he has provided us. Nowhere in the bible, which I believe Cliff holds dear, does it say that “commitment is all that matters”. It says that the only context for sex is within a heterosexual marriage between one man and one woman. Yes that relationship is within deep commitment, a covenant in fact, but only within the context of a heterosexual marriage.

 

I don’t care what their sexuality, I’m not going to Judge

Now on this point I totally agree. It is not our place to Judge someone. As Cliff says “Ill leave that to God”. That said the bible does give us the ability to evaluate right and wrong. Not a postmodern right and wrong, an individual right and wrong, but an absolute right and wrong. The bible is clear from beginning to end that sex is only permissible within a heterosexual marriage between one man and one woman. We can see that the actions of any individual in the sight of God that goes away from this is wrong. As Christians, or anyone else, I don’t believe we have the right to water down what the bible says as true. What we must guard against however is ostracising those that choose to live outside of the things that God says is best for us or that offend him. I believe that we should be friends with them, discuss things with them and pray that they see God for themselves. This is the only way that we can expect them to understand that what they are doing is contrary to what God wishes for them. Lets not get all out of shape over the “gay” issue. We can apply the same position to anything that we do, or don’t do, that offends God. I have done things that offend God, and before I became a christian I was quite happy doing them too. I have friends that are Gay, I have friends that are not Christians that live a life that I know offends God. I don’t judge them, I hope and pray that as I talk with them, they see that I am no better than them but my life has changed. Not because of what I have done in being “good” or anything like that but because of what God has done for me. Although I offend God and am unable to live according to the commands of the bible God himself has made away for that to change. Ihave been forgiven of all those things (and the things that I still do from time to time) and because of the message of Love that Jesus death on the cross demonstrates I have come to an understanding of God and a friendship with him. My hope and prayer is that others too can investigate the claims of Jesus and come to really understand the message of the bible.

 

Conclusion

All that said it must be plain to see that “the Church” can not possibly endorse something that is fundamentally in opposition to the very bible texts that it is based on. It would be like the vegetarian society being told that “gone are the days when we assumed that all vegetarians would not eat meat”. You would call me crazy if I told you I was a vegetarian who ate meet. So it would, in my opinion, be just as crazy for the church to endourse same sex marriage.

Come on Cliff !

Sir Cliff's says 'Gone are the days when we assumed loving relationships would be solely between men and women'

 

I can not begin to express the sadness I feel regarding Cliff Richards comments regarding Gay Marriage being blessed by the church.

I have long admired Sir Cliff for the courageous stand he has taken over his Christianity right from his conversion. Whilst I could not call myself a fan of his music, I have always thought that he held his faith in Jesus in the highest regard, and put aside the pressures placed on him by the media to get married or in deed over his sexuality.

It has come as a great surprise to me therefore to read articles in the Times and the Independent who both say that Sir Cliff has asked the church to accept and bless same sex relationships. 

Read Article

This paragraph seems to sum up the essence of what was said.

He calls on the Church of England to update its views on same-sex marriages, arguing that all judgements on sexuality should be left to God. “I think the Church must come round and see people as they are now. Gone are the days when we assumed loving relationships would be solely between men and women. It seems to me that commitment is the issue, and if anyone comes to me and says: ‘This is my partner; we are committed to each other’, then I don’t care what their sexuality is. I’m not going to judge; I’ll leave that to God.”

 

Read Article

I can not be completely sure that we are all talking about the same thing. No one is contending that “loving relationships” can occur between people of the same sex. I have a  loving relationship with my father, and my sons. I have loving relationships with male friends. The difference however is that this “love” does not find its expression in sex or anything remotely sexual. So surly the issue here is not the issue of “Loving Relationships”, but one of “Sexual Relationships”. That being the case I would like to address the key elements of the above comment.

 

Church to Update its View

View must be based on the Bible, not culture or political correctness

 

Gone are the days when we (church) assumed loving relationships would be solely between men and women

I am not sure that this has ever been true. From its conception the church has been VERY aware of same sex relationships. In fact the old testament shows us that the fore-runner to the church, the people of Israel (the Jewish nation) were very aware of sexual relationships between people of the same sex. The New Testament to speaks on this issue also. It is difficult to understand how the church is being asked to “update” its position because the times have changed. In fact the times of the New Testament Rome Homosexuality was rife, probably more so than now. So the churches position on this is based on similar cultural issues as today with regard to same sex relationships.  

 

It seems to me

While Sir Cliff is entitled to his opinion we must not loose site that we are created in the image of God and not the other way around. That means that we can not put our opinions on God. We need to understand Gods views, plans and laws based on the bible I believe he has provided us. Nowhere in the bible, which I believe Cliff holds dear, does it say that “commitment is all that matters”. It says that the only context for sex is within a heterosexual marriage between one man and one woman. Yes that relationship is within deep commitment, a covenant in fact, but only within the context of a heterosexual marriage.

 

I don’t care what their sexuality, I’m not going to Judge

Now on this point I totally agree. It is not our place to Judge someone. As Cliff says “Ill leave that to God”. That said the bible does give us the ability to evaluate right and wrong. Not a postmodern right and wrong, an individual right and wrong, but an absolute right and wrong. The bible is clear from beginning to end that sex is only permissible within a heterosexual marriage between one man and one woman. We can see that the actions of any individual in the sight of God that goes away from this is wrong. As Christians, or anyone else, I don’t believe we have the right to water down what the bible says as true. What we must guard against however is ostracising those that choose to live outside of the things that God says is best for us or that offend him. I believe that we should be friends with them, discuss things with them and pray that they see God for themselves. This is the only way that we can expect them to understand that what they are doing is contrary to what God wishes for them. Lets not get all out of shape over the “gay” issue. We can apply the same position to anything that we do, or don’t do, that offends God. I have done things that offend God, and before I became a christian I was quite happy doing them too. I have friends that are Gay, I have friends that are not Christians that live a life that I know offends God. I don’t judge them, I hope and pray that as I talk with them, they see that I am no better than them but my life has changed. Not because of what I have done in being “good” or anything like that but because of what God has done for me. Although I offend God and am unable to live according to the commands of the bible God himself has made away for that to change. Ihave been forgiven of all those things (and the things that I still do from time to time) and because of the message of Love that Jesus death on the cross demonstrates I have come to an understanding of God and a friendship with him. My hope and prayer is that others too can investigate the claims of Jesus and come to really understand the message of the bible.

 

Conclusion

All that said it must be plain to see that “the Church” can not possibly endorse something that is fundamentally in opposition to the very bible texts that it is based on. It would be like the vegetarian society being told that “gone are the days when we assumed that all vegetarians would not eat meat”. You would call me crazy if I told you I was a vegetarian who ate meet. So it would, in my opinion, be just as crazy for the church to endourse same sex marriage.

Come on Cliff !

Virgin Daughters

The TV documentary last night about Virgin Daughters and their fathers was shown last night on Channel 4. To be honest I found the last half that I saw just a little strange. Not having daughters, only sons, I am not in a great position discuss the relationship between father and daughter as I have no idea how I would feel if I did. However, I believe that the same principles are true for raising our children. The bible teaches us as parents how to raise children. It does not really distinguish between the sexes. I have to assume therefore that I would apply the same principles to daughters, if I had them, as I do with my sons.

I beleive that children are best served, raised and loved in a family context, with a mother and father who have build a strong, loving and committed marriage. In that context children excel. As we teach our children what is right and wrong we must always, as a Christian, encourage them, discipline them in love and with respect. I encourage my boys to read the bible for themselves as that is where I find the principles for family life, marriage and raising kids.

I believe Christianity to be a choice that every individual makes for themselves before God. I can not force my beliefs or world view on my children, they will ultimately have to make that decision for themselves. I can of course encourage them to discover the truth for themselves and I trust, like me, they come to understand that the bible is true and that becoming a follower of Jesus is the right way. That said, I accept that there is the possibility that they will not.

Even in that eventuality the bible offers me answers. Unlike the poor girl in the documentary who was pretty much excommunicated by her mother particularly, but also her father, I believe that I would want to continue to love my child, be a part of their life regardless of the choices they make. Of course I would be disappointed, but they are still my kids and either I love them or I don’t. My love for them is not dependant on what they do, but on the fact that they are my children! No matter what, and as far as they are willing to let me, I would want to be part of their lives no matter how old they were. I must confess to not understanding the responses of the young ladies parents. It seemed to me that for “bible believing Christians” they did not understand a great deal of the bible. The whole bible is a story of a Father (God) who did all he could to restore a relationship with his children (mankind – You & Me) after they rebelled against him and did what he asked them not to. Not dissimilar to the girl on the TV Show – Sure she made some mistakes. We all do! But I believe that God is able and willing to forgive us. If he is willing to do so, then I think we should too.

With regard to the whole “purity ball” thing I was a little unsure what I thought to be honest. As a former leader in the Silver Ring Thing in the UK I have great empathy with the principles behind the idea of teaching young people about sexual purity as the bible defines it. I want to encourage young people that not having sex before marriage is not only desirable, but possible. I teach this to my sons and as a leader in a church teach these bible principles regularly. I think that our culture is pressuring young people far to much to have sex. Our schools teach them many years before it is even legal for them how to do it “safely”. They use this word “Safe” like you can become invincible to the risks of STIs, pregnancy, emotional hurt and anguish. You can’t. The governments own stats tell you that sex outside of marriage is far from safe. STIs amongst young people has been quoted as being an epidemic, at best it is out of control with most STIs rising at an alarming rate. Teenage pregnancy is a massive issue to our society and a huge drain on the financial resources of our nation. Sex is far from safe. Sure we ”might” be able to say we can be “safer” but not safe!

Sorry, getting carried away. So, I have sympathy for the thoughts behind the Purity Ball concept, but I did find the way that it was portrayed in the documentary was a little “Over the Top” in some of the more prominent cases. Again, that said, having been on the receiving end of CHANNEL 4 DOCUMENTARIES I am very aware that what was shown may be miles away from the real facts of the situation. It is a fact that programme makers look to sensationalise stories to increase ratings in order sell advertising. The more people tuned in the better the advertising revenue. We the public must always be aware of that. So, if they can sensationalise it, outrage people, press peoples buttons as it were .. they will, Its what they do. Its what pays their salaries! So I urge viewers to be very careful before jumping up in outrage. Do some research for yourself before you get too far up on your high horse. I personally have had TV makers cut what I have said and the narrator voice over the complete opposite of what they cut me saying. So careful is my caution! Remember it is not about reporting its about advertising and entertainment!

MTV Awards

Normally the MTV awards would have passed me by if it were not for the huge number of phone calls from the press/media this week asking for my thoughts on the comments Russell Brand made about the Jonas brothers.

I have, over the years had many opportunities to speak to the media because of other positions I have held other than a Youth Pastor for Kings Church. Once they have you phone number they always call and I enjoy explaining a biblical Christian perspective to them and presenting the gospel wherever possible – So may these opportunities continue.

So, Russel Brand has really upset many people over his so called “comedy” which simply seems to rest on poking fun at other people and trying to make them look small, insignificant and stupid. It would seem however that the media has not liked this at all and are looking to “fight back”.

During the MTV awards 2008 he had a go at the President of America which did not go down well and also ridiculed the Jonas brothers. It was this that caused the media to contact me because of my former involvement with the Silver Ring Thing and because I am a Christian Minister to young people (as they like to call me).

BBC 5 Live contacted me and the Radio host was not best pleased with Mr Brand as he felt that if young men wanted to present and live a “clean cut” life and Image that they should be encouraged, not ridiculed. I must confess, that radio interview was not very hard to do as the presenter was in agreement with me that we should be assisting young people who choose to live a sexually pure lifestyle, not ridicule them and put pressure on them to live a different way.

What is incredible is the level of prejudice that is tolerated because of ones so called celebrity status. If, as an example, similar prejudice was focused on the colour of someones skin then there would be no tolerance at all, and rightly so. It is inconceivable therefore that when discrimination is shown to an individual, or in this case a group of people, based totally on someones personal, uneducated and extremely biased, point of view that it is remotely tolerated at all!

I am delighted with the amount of column inches and minutes of airtime that have been given to highlight this here in the UK. An independent TV company has approach the Silver Ring Thing in the UK to film another documentary simply because of the outrage that Russel Brand caused at the 2008 MTV Awards. This is not cause for celebration however, we have nothing to thank Mr Brand for as his behaviour set an example to young people that prejudice and ridicule are acceptable with no remorse. There are several hundred Silver Ring Thing wearers in the UK and thousands more who have made promises to stay sexually abstinent until they get married and they should be encouraged if that is what they believe is the right way to live, not give others fuel for opposition.

Lets be honest the UK Statistics for abortions, single mothers & STIs are far from praise worthy. The governments message of “Safe Sex” of the least 30 years clearly does not work as their own statistics and missed targets demonstrate. I am not naive enough to believe that a message of “No Sex for Everyone Before Marriage” will be welcomed by everyone. Individuals must make up their own minds based on ALL the facts and according to their own convictions and consciences. If for some a pledge of abstinence is what they believe will allow them to enjoy life without the risks associated with sex outside of marriage then why are we wrong to support them. I simply can not understand why anyone feels the need to attack them, privately or publicly, in order to justify their own so called convictions. If Mr Brand believes that his “sexual choices” are his to make, and I dont think anyone is arguing with him, then why try to justify himself by ridiculing others with a different point of view. This is just discrimination & prejudice of the highest order!

Comedy – Yea right!

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Sex Isn’t The Problem (Lust is) by Joshua Harris

This is a fantastic book which I highly recommend to any single person, young or old. In fact even as a married guy I found it useful to challenge my thoughts and things like my TV and DVD Movie choices.

The book looks at those difficult areas like pornography & sexual fantasy. It tackles questions like “Is is OK to masturbate? Is masturbation a sin?”,  and so much more. He brings a real focus to the causes of these things and grounds our response firmly in the grace and power of the Cross of Jesus.

I am now recommending this book to all the youth, teens and 20s I deal with as I think this book will set many free from the success/failure loop that many find themselves in. It ensures that at all times the reader is assured of the grace of God and their position before God being secure in what Jesus achieved on the cross and is not dependant on their performance in over coming lust, masturbation or any of the things discussed in the book. We want to overcome sin because of a superior satisfaction in Jesus. This book explains in a very practical way how. There is no “quick fix” or magic formula but as you read the book you will discover the heart of God for you and the power of the Cross to win!

Please read it !